Lorena’s Impending Mayhem

Finally, finally, finally, Ms. Snark's package is ready to mail. I'm hoping it'll be worth the madman-wandering-endlessly-in-the-desert-length wait.

Because I enjoy being evil on the odd occasion, I thought I'd summarise the parcel's contents in the form of obscure hints. Many will make no sense, but it's a great way to up the anticipation. Ready?

1. Because everyone needs a stress monkey.
2. It's almost St. Patrick's day, and what's more green than a sticky turtle?
3. It's my favourite, and perfect for armwarmers.
4. Sometimes, breakfast should be worn rather than eaten.
5. Señor, I don't think being polite will make a difference to them.
6. Even though you already have some, one can always use more of this.
7. Sometimes, the first cup just isn't enough.
8. The sap's about to start running, but there's actually stuff out there that's tastier than syrup.
9. She helped the Canadian troops by running through the night back in 18-something-or-other, but she's best known for more decadent pursuits.
10. Feverish Celts might twist their ankles.
11. Through his eyes, you see the soul-map of the city.
12. Hurrah! In minus degrees, modern women will delight in coolness of trendy phrasing.
13. Because everyone should have the experience of building their very own cottage.
14. Till knit do us part.

I think that's everything...
*insert sinister laugh here*