Saturday, March 24, 2007

my head is full

My head feels like a helium balloon. So much in it...which sounds funny when you're talking about a balloon. I suppose it feels as though it could float away; I need to tie it to something.

I feel as though I'm becoming more myself, which is rather exciting, but I don't yet know what it means.

I've accepted that I don't fit at work. I just don't. I'm too different, too creative, and deliciously non-corporate. I acknowledged to myself a few weeks ago that I just don't have what they're looking for. Today I realised, with a rocket-boost of self-confidence, that they just don't have what I'm looking for.

Mum and I went to The Guild Shop, which sells works by Canadian artists, to view a fibre arts exhibition. It was quite exciting to realise that I could create some of these same things myself. Inspiring. And whilst there I decided, in a fit of grown-upness, to invest in a new ring. I wear one on nearly every finger, and most of them are cast silver. So I figured I'd get an investment piece, of a sort, which made me feel quite la-la and sophisticated.

Of course, being me, I ended up attracted to something so spectacular, so subtly subversive, that it didn't matter a whit that it wasn't anywhere close to what my frontal lobe had in mind. I give you my precious. It's the lime green one (second pic down on the left-hand side), which I'm quite sure would look right at home with my old space station set. Do you see? Do you see? That ain't no product of millennia in that setting. I'll give you a hint.

I'm feeling calmer. Still lots of self-work to do, but I'm starting to feel as though everything will be all right. I'm contemplating something that I always shied away from - slowly, slowly, going freelance. I can't ignore the pull any longer. Hiding behind sensible things like geography and urban planning hasn't worked. So we shall see.

For now, I'll keep this new ring close at hand (har har) as a reminder. It'll be my talisman in times of public service drudgery, self-doubt, and sanity-questioning. I'll just point it at the offending individual, or at my temple if I need a boost, and whisper: zot.


ArcticFox said...

sounds like the exhibition was good. Glad you enjoyed it.

That ring looks so futuristic that you might meet yourself walking into the room when you wear it!!


2D Girl said...

Good for you! You are very brave!

Pol said...

It must run in the family to be deliciously non-corporate!