knitting it together

Jane Thornley is in town for the weekend. Mum and I are taking two classes with her at Lettuce Knit. Jane's all about organic knitting, and knitting within a chosen colour palette (aka 'colour story') using yarns of different weights and textures. For a person with a generally gnat-sized attention span, changing up all these colours, weights and stitches feels like being in an oasis.

I'm trying to incorporate different weights and textures into my personal story as well. I think of you all every day, all the time. I'm so glad you're out there, and I apologise that I can be difficult to know, or that my experiences can be difficult to take in. Please bear with me, if you can - I'm determined to bring this black dog to heel, and get back to life.

x

hellohellohellohello!

Hello! Hello! I'm here!

A bit tattered around the edges and pretty much all awol, all the time at the moment, but I am alive! I have pictures of various green things to post, including my kingdom and some fiddleheads I had for dinner the other night, and a picture of Kelly to prove that she made it up here from Florida and is in one piece.

So many pictures, so many stories. All trapped in my head, along with the rest of me...

*goes off to fight crime*

the plot thickens...

Perhaps I'm obsessing about this. Perhaps just a little. As with all humans, I'm prone to some subjective interpretation of the facts, but I think there's at least a kernel of truth in here.

What I originally did at work:

• co-ordinated projects across offices, branches, divisions
• attended a fair number of out-of-office meetings with a variety of people/organisations on collaborative projects
• was at the centre of what was going on in my area of specialty
• researched, wrote reports, developed and gave presentations, briefings, etc.

What I now do at work (same job as before):

• policy research, mainly at my desk
• managing (I use the term loosely) projects in subject areas with which I have less familiarity and confidence, which could be good, except I'm afraid, just can't get started and am not capable at this time of setting up my own structure
• watch the things I feel I could do - and do well - get handed off to other people because there's a fear I'll a) not get them done b) get distracted from the rest of my work -- which I'm not cut out for and am unhappy doing

I know it all starts with me, and everything, but the more bored, powerless and isolated I feel, the less motivated I am, the more likely it is that my interesting work will be handed off to others, and the more likely it is that I'll feel progressively more bored, isolated and unmotivated.

Now for the kicker, check this out:

My learning style and appropriate learning activities, according to the public service's online "learning wizard":

PRACTICAL LEARNING STYLE: Your preferred learning style is to act on your ideas. Once you understand the situation, you confront a challenge with your hands on real time. You enjoy getting involved in new experiences. You get immersed in situations and tend to look for new challenges as you may prefer the excitement of new experiences over implementation.

Beneficial Learning Activities
If your dominant and preferred learning style is acting on your ideas, you will BENEFIT MOST where:

• You have opportunities to understand and immerse yourself in a situation
• New experiences and opportunities for learning are provided
• Real challenges and excitement are ahead of you
• You get involved with other people and influence them through action
• You can act on and implement your ideas
• You can engage in projects and group discussions
  

Less Beneficial Learning Activities
If your dominant and preferred learning style is acting on your ideas, you will BENEFIT LESS where:

• You are not given the opportunity to think through a problem
• You cannot immerse yourself in the situation
• You are asked to take a passive role
• Your primary role is to analyze and interpret data
• You are asked to do repetitive activities
• You are engaged in passive learning such as lectures

my version of productivity at work

A poem. Written yesterday in under 10 minutes whilst trying to re-organise my team's common drive on our server.

Where do I go when I'm not here?
My head is like a balloon, I fear:
Drifting aloft on the vaguest of thoughts,
Slipping the weights of 'shoulds' and 'oughts'
Nothing gets done; not a thing is achieved,
And when the day ends, I hightail it, relieved,
But the list of to-dos is a myriad miles
And I find myself drowning 'midst papers and files
Fighting 'gainst waves of guilt, fear and stress;
When I try to do more, I end up doing less.
Where do I go when my mind wanders free?
Nobody knows - alas, not even me.

nononononononoooooh look! a squirrel!

Well that explains a lot of things.

I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after some research and self-testing today, I think I have ADHD.

I don't know whether to be discouraged, or relieved.

I think the only correct response is to laugh.