bad dream...

My new life feels completely unreal today, as though I'm going to wake up and things will be back to normal.

I guess it's one of the ways we cope with difficult information that's too big, too much, too overwhelming to take in.

It would obviously be unhealthy for things to go back to the way they were, but it's so hard to accept that it's just over--that he's gone, and that's it. Over three years of our lives, ground into shards under his retreating heels. Unsalvageable. No discussion, no negotiation, no chance to try. It's such a bitter pill to swallow that I don't think I've managed to choke it down yet. I keep staring at it in disbelief, thinking, "I have no choice?"

In the words of Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." There is no try.

Man, people going through breakups are boring. I'm bored with myself. It's only been a month, but I was hoping that I'd start to feel at least a little better. Instead, it's hitting hard all over again. Stupid merry-go-round of pain. Yoda, get me *off* this goddamn thing.